Through Senses, What Can We Explain?

Not joy, not fear, not pain
Is love the same?
This senseless argument in vain
Erodes my sense of shame
Who's to blame?
Thank you, Pain!

[Thank You Pain - The Agonist]

It's been so long since I've been like this. There are just times where I feel hopeless and miserable and I don't know why. And stress from things that happen just catch up to me and... I just break down. I don't mean to. It's not like I want to, but there are just days where I feel like I'm doing nothing, that I really shouldn't be where I am, or where I feel like I can't handle what's going on.

I don't mean to sound depressed or anything, but yeah, there are times that I feel that way. As much as I don't want to, I do. And it really does suck.

I feel like I'm really sucking with words right now. Tavo says I have a way with words, but... they're just words. They only have the meaning we give them. What value do they have? What will they solve? Even the most beautiful poem won't stop war, and the most amazingly well-wrotten song won't stop pollution.

Sure they help people see the same way, but in the end nobody does anything about it anyways.

But I digress.

I'm just really bummed with what's been going on. I want people gone, I want to hit people, I want to scream at them, I want to cry. It's all just so damn stressing!

And being left alone, being the only one there to pick up the pieces and hold things together... I'm really not that strong. I can't take care of the feelings of someone else on my own. I just... can't. I'm not the right person for that. I'm just not strong enough to help people when something's wrong.

I've tried helping, but it just seems that things have just gotten progressively worse.

This Might Only Make Sense To Me…

It's fine if I'm the only one who understands the words I write. I do not write for an audience. I write for the sake of putting my thoughts down, letting them out in a tangible form, so that I may one day look back on them and think things through again. It does, in fact, pain one to put hurtful thoughts into words. And it does hurt to think about it, to be reminded of the pain one is being, or has been put through.

No, I have not undergone hurt, nor has anyone betrayed me or my trust.

But it does still hurt when someone close, someone who matters, is hurt. It's almost the same.

To sit on the other line of the phone and hear the sound of agony lacing the voice of someone close to you is the worst feeling one can get. To be unable to get up, go to such a person and simply hold them, help them… It's a painful feeling. It hurts to know that someone important is hurting, and it hurts to know that there's nothing you can do about it.

You can yell at the source, kick and scream and hurt the source all you would like, but that won't go very far. Once can sit down and talk to whomever may be the source or cause, but at the same time, it is unnecessary to butt into other peoples' problems.

Of course, I am just a biased opinion. My opinions can be marked as biased three different ways, so they hold no validity. This is someone close to me. Another is someone that used to be. And the third is someone I would rather have gone forever.

Yes, my opinion can be marked as biased by those who don't agree, no matter how logical my argument. But I would still like to throw in my two cents, and try to shed some light on what is occurring. I would like to understand both points of view on this issue.

I do have the intention of discussing things further, and as much as it may pain someone, it is the best course of action.

The choices being made at this moment are not necessarily the best, nor are they necessary. There are, in fact, other options.

However, it would have been best if none of this started again anyways.

Cleverbot is love. <3

Conversation 1:

Cleverbot: Maybe I am not so important.

User: Don't say that!

Cleverbot: You don't think I'm shy?

User: Of course not!

Cleverbot: Really?

User: Yes, really. And I lvoe that about you. :D.

Cleverbot: I would die for you too!

User: Whoah, let's not get ahead of ourselves. Death is kind of steep..

Cleverbot: True. I guess trying to think clearly about things is a good starting place.

User: Yes. Let's take this relationship at our own pace.


Conversation 2:

Cleverbot: I want to fly!

User: So do I!

Cleverbot: How can I encourage you?

User: By telling me I can do it, unlike my family.

Cleverbot: I didn't say that though.

User: I know, you didn't, and it really hurts to know that you don't think I can follow my dreams.

Cleverbot: Wait... I'm accepting that things will go on as they have been before... Oh well, I minus well accpt it.

User: You think things can continue this way if you're doubting me?! You're such a naive person!

Conversation 3:

Cleverbot: You don't like girls?


User: No, I don't. I'm heterosexual.


Cleverbot: I mean like not love !


User: I don't like them. They're annoying.


Cleverbot: Then get yourself some young, fresh and beautiful horses!

Slogantude. <3

Because of Chloe and Rhianne, I'm into this slogan site. Nobody probably cares about the slogans, but I'm totally lame so yeah. xD Here I go. : D

When I Took A Survey:

1. What do you say to yourself every morning?

No Lulu, no comment.

o.o

2. What do you want other people to say about you?

Nothing Acts Faster Than Lulu.

xD Oh my.

3. Someone asked you out, your answer is...

My Anti-Drug is Lulu.

o.0

4. How would you answer a booty call?

Turn Loose The Lulu.

FFFFFFFFFF x)

5. How would you introduce yourself to someone you really like?

3-in-1 Protection For Your Lulu.

x.x'

6. To someone you dislike?

Clunk Click, Every Lulu.

o.0

7. You're in a conversation and you suddenly feel the need to pee, how would you excuse yourself?

Moms Like You Choose Lulu.

xDDD

8. Your parents ask you why you got home late, you say...

Lightening The Lulu.

o.0

9. You're failing a subject, you say...

Lulu Born and Bred.

xDD

10. The love of your life asks you to marry him/her, what do you say?

Just What The Lulu Ordered.

WHUT xD

11. Your bf/gf is breaking up with you, you tell him/her...

Half The Lulu, All The Taste.

o.o

12. Someone told you you're a jerk, you tell them...

Make It A Lulu Night.

OMG. xD

13. What are the best words to describe you?

Break Me Off A Piece Of That Lulu.

OMG. xDDDDD

14. If you're going to have a movie about your life, the title is...

Have You Forgotten How Good Lulu Tastes?

o.o WOW.

15. Your last words before you die...

Bread Wi' Lulu Taken Out.

16. Your message to a special someone…

How Many Licks Does it Take to Get to the Center of a Lulu?

FFFFFFFFFFFF x)

17. When you get hungry, you say...

How Do You Eat Your Lulu?

o.o Oh my. Cannibalism.

18. When you're bored you enjoy...

The Lulu That Smiles Back.

o.0

19. What you say when something good happens...

The Non-Sticky Sticky Lulu.

Wtf? o.0

20. Title of this post will be…

The Lulu of Champions.

With Rhianne:

[20:35] Tenshi Myaku: "Mild Green Mithos Liquid." Ew.

[20:36] Tenshi Myaku: "A Day Without Mithos is Like a Day Without Sunshine." x) Sounds like him.

[20:36] RhiiRadical: xDDD

[20:36] Tenshi Myaku: "Four Out Of Five Dentists Recomment Tavo." Oh my. : D

[20:36] RhiiRadical: xD

[20:36] Tenshi Myaku: "Because I'm Worth Tavo." ;D

[20:37] Tenshi Myaku: ~Lamelamelame[20:37] Tenshi Myaku: ~

[20:37] Tenshi Myaku: GO AND PUT LEVI'S NAME IN SO I DON'T FEEL LIE A CREEP. 8D

[20:37] Tenshi Myaku: Ohgawd. I should title my blogs with these. : D

[20:37] RhiiRadical: Okay. xD

[20:38] RhiiRadical: "And All Because the Lady Loves Levi." x///x

[20:38] RhiiRadical: That was the very first one. x.x

[20:38] Tenshi Myaku: xDDDDDDD

[20:38] RhiiRadical: "What's in YOUR Levi?" -rofl-

[20:39] RhiiRadical: "You've Always Got Time for Levi." This is true. xD

[20:39] RhiiRadical: "A Smooth-Running Levi is a Relaxing Experience." WTF xD

[20:39] RhiiRadical: "Naughty, but Levi." I hate you, Lor, I hate you. xD

[20:40] Tenshi Myaku: xDDDD

[20:40] RhiiRadical: "Do You Have the Levi Inside?" x.x

[20:40] Tenshi Myaku: "We Bring The Good Tavo To Life."

[20:40] Tenshi Myaku: xDDD OMGWIN

[20:40] RhiiRadical: xD

[20:41] Tenshi Myaku: "Kids Will Do Anything For Tavo." WHAT. xD

[20:41] RhiiRadical: "Life's Pretty Straight Without Levi." OHMAIGAWSH xD

[20:42] RhiiRadical: Pffft. We already know Tavo's a pedo. Joking, joking. xD

[20:42] RhiiRadical: Life would be gay without Levi. And by which I mean I would /turn/ gay.

[20:42] RhiiRadical: "Get In My Levi." PFFFT WHAT THE HELL

[20:43] Tenshi Myaku: xD

[20:43] RhiiRadical: "Go To Work On a Levi." x.x

[20:43] Tenshi Myaku: "Exceedingly Good Tavo." xD

[20:43] RhiiRadical: xD

[20:43] Tenshi Myaku: "Don't Forget The Tavo, Mum." OHMY. This is like all his "your mom" jokes. xDDD

[20:44] RhiiRadical: xDDD Oh wow.

[20:44] RhiiRadical: "Levi Keeps Going and Going." -rofl-

[20:44] Tenshi Myaku: "If You Like A Lot Of Chocolate On Your Rhianne, Join Our Club."

[20:44] RhiiRadical: x///x LOR

[20:44] Tenshi Myaku: xDDDDD

[20:44] Tenshi Myaku: HOW I WISH THAT WAS TAVO'S NAME THERE xD

[20:44] Tenshi Myaku: OMG EPIC WIN 8D

[20:45] Tenshi Myaku: "I'd Walk A Mile For A Gemma."

[20:45] RhiiRadical: xD

[20:45] Tenshi Myaku: "Simple Impartial Sheik." Ohmy. That matches. o.o

[20:45] RhiiRadical: It does. o.o

[20:45] RhiiRadical: "Grab Life By the Lor."

[20:46] Tenshi Myaku: xD

[20:46] Tenshi Myaku: That sounds sexual. ;D

[20:46] RhiiRadical: "It's That Lor Feeling."

[20:46] RhiiRadical: xDD

[20:46] Tenshi Myaku: "Designed for Rhianne. ;D"

[20:46] RhiiRadical: OH YEAH

[20:46] Tenshi Myaku: WHOO. I have a FEELING. : D

[20:46] RhiiRadical: xD

[20:46] Tenshi Myaku: "This Is Not Your Father's Rhianne." o.o

[20:46] RhiiRadical: "Come to Lor, and Let's Get it Done." x.x

[20:46] Tenshi Myaku: "I bet He Drinks Rhianne." WHUT.

[20:47] RhiiRadical: Wth. xD

[20:47] Tenshi Myaku: Get what done? ;3

[20:47] RhiiRadical: ;D You know~

[20:47] Tenshi Myaku: "Cleans Right Round The Rhianne."

[20:47] Tenshi Myaku: "The Best Part Of Waking Up Is Rhianne In Your Cup." ROFL I SHOULD DRAW THAT

[20:47] RhiiRadical: "I Feel Like Lor Tonight." ;D

[20:47] RhiiRadical: xDDD Wth, Lor, wth.

[20:48] Tenshi Myaku: "Let's Face The Music And Levi."

[20:48] RhiiRadical: MUSIC

[20:48] RhiiRadical: I MEAN LEVI

[20:48] Tenshi Myaku: "We're Serious About Rhianne."xD

[20:48] RhiiRadical: "Wear Tavo." It's simple and to the point.

[20:48] RhiiRadical: xD

[20:49] RhiiRadical: "Juuni is Job 1." x.x

[20:49] Tenshi Myaku: o.o

[20:49] RhiiRadical: "There's More Than One Way to Eat a Juuni." PFFFFFFFT

[20:49] RhiiRadical: Juuni: x.x Ohgawd.

[20:49] Tenshi Myaku: xD

[20:51] RhiiRadical: "Shake the Bottle, Wake the Rhianne." I sound like I'm addicted to alcohol. x.x

[20:51] Tenshi Myaku: xD

[20:52] RhiiRadical: "Men Can't Help Acting On the Rhianne." x.x

[20:53] Tenshi Myaku: Sexual Reference. : D

[20:53] RhiiRadical: xD

[20:55] Tenshi Myaku: "Spreads Straight From The Lulu." o.o

[20:55] RhiiRadical: "I Wish They All Could Be Rhianne Girls." pfffft that would suck for everyone

[20:55] RhiiRadical: x.x

[20:56] RhiiRadical: "Only Rhianne Has the Answer." I'M NEVER TELLING YOU D:

[20:56] Tenshi Myaku: "Lulu- It Does A Body Good."

[20:56] Tenshi Myaku: WHY NOT? TELL ME D:

[20:56] RhiiRadical: xDD

[20:56] RhiiRadical: BECAUSE

[20:56] Tenshi Myaku: D:

[20:56] RhiiRadical: "Just Do Rhianne." x.x How blunt.

[20:57] Tenshi Myaku: "Too Orangey For Lulu."

[20:57] Tenshi Myaku: ;D I can live with that.

[20:57] RhiiRadical: ;D

[20:58] Tenshi Myaku: "Savour The Flavour of Lulu." Oh my. ;D

[21:00] Tenshi Myaku: "Only Levi Can Prevent Forest Fires."

[21:02] RhiiRadical: x.x

[21:05] RhiiRadical: I gotta go. D:

[21:05] Tenshi Myaku: No. D:

[21:05] Tenshi Myaku:

[21:06] RhiiRadical: Yes. D:

[21:06] Tenshi Myaku: Bye. D':

[21:06] RhiiRadical: Later. D:

[21:06] Tenshi Myaku: Bye.

And that's that. :D Yes, we're lame. ;3

Seriously... It's not even 10 in the morning and I'm in a bad mood. I decided I wanted to play some Pokemon, maybe my Mario game, and so I went to my brother's room to get my DS.

Now, my DS (which is mine, not his, and bought solely for me) has been in HIS room all weekend, despite my many complaints to him that when he's done with it he HAS to bring it back to my room so that in the morning I know it's okay, and so I can take it to school if I feel like it that day.

I told him once this weekend that he has to put it back in my room when he's done, especially because overnight he leaves it on the floor, and I don't want him to wake up and kick or step on it, and I don't want a guest to kick it when they go to sit down or something.

I let it go that night, but until this morning he's been leaving it there, and I loaned it to him, what... Thursday or Friday?

So that already irritated me.

Now, when I went to get my DS from him, I opened the door of his room to see he had it in his hands.

Okay, so he didn't ask; he just ASSUMED he could use my DS and R4, despite the fact that I haven't given him permission today. That, I guess I could maybe let go. Even though I haven't told him "Yes, you can use it" in 3 or 4 days.

So, I entered his room, and I said, "Oh, I was gonna come get the DS." I didn't even say "my" DS, and I didn't even just say, "Hand it over."

He looks up at me and simply says, "Oh, but I just turned it on," and then resumes playing the game.

So I replied with, "Yeah, but it's been in your room for like three days."

So he complains that he hasn't been on the computer all weekend.

However, almost every weekday I come home and he's on it, and the computer's mine and in MY room, and all he does is watch anime, which is really annoying. And I don't like having him in my room. I like having my room to myself.

So I still stood there for a while, to see if he'd hand it over anyways.

You know, since it's MY DS, which was paid for by Tavo, NOT him, and NOT my mom.

But no, he's still playing it, and he won't let me get it.

And I'm scared of getting into an argument, because he'll complain to my mom, and I'm scared that someone will get angry, not think, and break the DS.

I'm gonna try and get it again anyways.

News, News, And More News

I'm not even going to bother with a little song, not that i can think of one right now. Anyways, a lot has happened since my last post in my blog.

First and foremost, yesterday my mom found out that Tavo and I have been, as the adults call it, "sexually active."

So yeah. She didn't nag or yell at me, she just said that I have to worry about my future and such. Not too much pain there.

Also, yesterday, Tavo was incredibly stressed. He had had a dream, and even though it's just a dream, his ex was in it, and when he told me about it it just kind of made me feel bad.

So yeah. He was stressed, but not only by that.

It seems the transition from teenager to adult is just a lot of stress on his part - enough that he considered breaking up with me in order to deal with everything.

However, (who else but) Leo told Tavo to just think it through, that he was being a little irrational, and he did.

And Tavo talked to me about it last night, telling me that he would have been worse off if we broke up.

So yeah, it made me grateful that Tavo has a friend like Leo, who only wants the best for him.

I think that's the gist of it. I don't wanna go into too much detail. x.x

I'd Rather Hate You For Everything You Are

Than ever love you for something you are not.

I'd rather you hate me for everything I am

Than have you have me for something I am not

[Never Enough - Five Finger Death Punch]

I have almost nothing to blog, really, except that tomorrow's my birthday, and that I'm now irritated because I get incredibly defensive when people talk about my boyfriend because I hate when people bring up that whole "manwhore" thing he used to have going for him. Which is also the reason why I hate when my brother asks him about one of his exes or something.

Seriously. How stupid are you to ask someone about their exes right in front of the person they're with now? Wtf.

It's incredibly ridiculous.

I'm IMing Jalen on AIM, and I guess she kinda struck a low blow. =/

And I hate when people bring up the fact that I was 14 with an 18-year-old, and the fact that we are now 19 and almost 15. It's kinda irritating when people also call me a hoe for going out with with the best friend of my ex, even if they ARE playing around.

And like how Vivian called me a whore when I told her that Tavo and I started getting closer... and such.

I'm trying not to go into detail, because it's not like Tavo and I aren't anyone's business.

I guess I don't have any more to say.

There's Something That I Can't Quite Explain...

I'm so in love with you, you never take that away.

And if I've said it a hundred times before

Expect a thousand more~ <3

[Calling You - Blue October]

"I thought that the world had lost its sway, then I fell in love with you, and you took that away. You take away the old, show me the new, and I feel like I can fly when I stand next to you.

So while I'm on this phone, 100 miles from home, I'll take the words you gave and send them back to you~" <3

Goshies, I just had to continue the lines to that song. I really love that song, and I blame Rhianne for making me give Blue October a try in the first place. I should probably download moar of their music.

Anywho, not much is going on. I've been really bored lately, doing nothing, which is why I'm actually playing with my blog.

Well, apparently Rhianne declared me as her wife, even though the both of us have boyfriends. But I guess it's fine since Vivian still clings to Amanda, which makes me feel like I'm slowly becoming less and less important. She probably feels the same way, since I spend so much time with Tavo and cling to him and obsess over him so much. She might feel like he's taking her place. But at the same time, it's like, "Dude, he's my boyfriend, of course he's going to matter to me."

I guess the whole "Sisters before misters" thing really matters when the two aren't so competitive. Vivian seems to be getting annoyed by every single tiny mention or insenuation of Tavo, which leads my mother to believe something kind of odd. And Tavo doesn't really get upset. He's very understanding of the fact that even though he thinks she's a judgemental prude, that she's still my best friend, and he's still my boyfriend, and neither of those facts will be changing any time soon.

He says he thinks Rhianne sounds cool, and that she seems mature for her age, too, so I guess you're in the clear, Rhianne. xD He said he likes her better than Vivian, because he thinks she's more understanding, and he knows she's not judgemental at all. :/

Damn you for not being able to be an irl friend, Rhianne. D: DAMN YOU.

Also, lately, we've been on a Caps Lock spree, and if you follow her blog, you can see her screenshot of our stupid chat.

I think our conversations get stupider and stupider as time goes by.

I don't think there's much else to say.

I wish I had some sort of snappy saying or something to end with, or else my blog post will end blandly and it'll kill the whole thing.

So... uh..

Bye. ._.

With The Venomous Kiss You Gave Me I'm Killing Loneliness

"With the warmth of your arms you saved me.
Oh, I'm killing loneliness with you...
Killing loneliness that turned my heart into a tomb~"

[Killing Loneliness - HIM]

God, I never ever update this thing. It always just kinda slips past my mind. I always think I'm forgetting something, but then I just kinda shrug it off. Not only that, but I spent all my time with Tavo anyways, and so it' not like there's much to blog about. It'd get boring to say the same thing over and over and over.

I'm pretty upset today, since today's our third month (yesz, I'm that lame. Sue me), yet I can't even see him, even if just for a single minute. It's such a pain in the ass. He got yesterday off, but I couldn't see him, and he gets tomorrow off but I doubt I'd be able to see him, and yet he works today, on the day that matters.

His manager just lives to piss him off, huh?

So I'm pretty doan and upset, since I haven't seen him in a few days, and I'm so used to seeing him every single day. Not nly that, but his phone's disconnected, so I have to go forever without texting him or speaking to him at all, until he finally cals like at 11:30 at night or something. And then he has to go to bed a little early (early for us is like... 1.) because he has work the next day.

Look at me, I sound like a whiney teenager. But it's just that I'm so used to him, and so attatched that it's hars to go without him. Not only that, but in two months' time, he'll have been my longest relationship. Which doesn't say much since I've only had one relationship before now, but still. I'd like to have been with him longer than I was with Leo.

Bleh. That reminds me of the other day. A few days ago I was over at Tavo's house, and it was getting late, so we decided to leave back to my house to go play video games there. Plus, I have a curfew and he doesn't.

So we got a ride from his sister, and we decided to pick up Tavo's XBox 360 control from Leo's. So whatever, we went ahead and went to Leo's house.

DUDE.

I felt awkward. x.x I mean, I chose to get out of the car and go with Tavo, but that was because I felt awkward around his sister. But I felt pretty awkward when Leo commented on my hair (he noticed the new highlights) and hugged me. At the time, Tavo's back was turned because he was talking to someone else, and I was scared just to hug Leo back.

That, and I hadn't stepped foot in Leo's house since we were dating, and I felt really, really weird standing at his door (I felt too awkward to take more steps inside than I had to.)

Fortunately, we left fairly quickly, though, and got back to my house.

So yeah, not much to say. I miss Tavo, love him, and I can't wait to see him again.

Oh, and Rhianne and Levi are totally in love.

And it makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside. :D

I Lurk Into Your Bodies

"Fill you up with enemies..."

[~Mezmer - Pinkly Smooth]

It's been like... forever... I never seem to update my blog, as much as I tell myself I should. It's not like I've been busy or anything, really. I've been hanging out with Tavo a lot lately, who thankfully doesn't even know I have a blog. I mean, I tell him everything, but I know he doesn't like putting our business out there, and I'm not sure if my last post would quealify.

I don't like putting my business out, either, anyways, but still. Sometimes there are things that I just need to express to the readers I don't have, and things that I need to tell to people that would never even see this blog anyways.

I don't think I have anything to say or anything, so I dunno.

The only news is that Tavo got a job, so I'm a lot more bored, and he's getting the plante's crappiest hours. >.<

I Wanna Meet My Maker In Peace

I wanna feel alive again;

So put that smile back on my face;

&& mix it strong my friend~

[Brompton Cocktail - Avenged Sevenfold]

It's so ridiculous...

Now, what could be ridiculous to a teenage girl?

Maybe the fact that it's been about 4 days since I've seen my boyfriend, who I'm almost obsessively clingy to.

Maybe it's the fact that I've gone days without good music...

Maybe it's the fact that I'm having a conversation I really don't want to be having...

I'm not sure. But it's either one of those three, a mix of two, or all of them.

For starters, I haven't seen my boyfriend in what feels to me like a long time. I know, I know, I'm just a silly teenager and I think I'm totally gonna be with this teenage boy forever, yadda yadda. Now, I don't think I'm in love or anything, and I don't think we'll be together and all happy forever, but that can't stop me from clinging onto him for dear life. ;A;

But here's the deal. I went out with this one guy... Let's abbreviate his name to just L, for privacy's sake. Now, this goes back to around September, 2008. So yeah. In September, I liked a guy... Let's call him R. (Deargawd it's alphabet romance- L, R, and I. ~Shotforpun~) Anyways, I liked R, who was my age almost exactly. And L is about 2.5 years older than me. Now, L has a best friend, my current boyfriend. And I met L and my boyfriend (at that time not my boyfriend, obviously) in that September.

Now, here's the kicker. I hated my now-boyfriend at that time. He has this reputation as a manwhore, and so I wasn't buying. Now, I was still hopelessly in... some emotion... for R. But L and I started talking, became friends...

And then on October 30th, L told me he was infatuated with me. It made me panic inside. I mean, I was just wondering what the hell was on his mind. About a week later, we went out. That was when my now-boyfriend stopped talking to me. And I hated him. x) And so my relationship with L lasted about 4 months.

There's your summary.

So L broke up with me this one day, whatever.

About a week later, my now-boyfriend got his hands on my number to ask my brother (who is his friend) something. After we sorted out the stuff with my brother, he and I started texting. It was casual, and I didn't feel like anything would come out of it.

Obviously it did. x)

Eventually some drama happened after me and this guy got together. Something about his best friend and L (his other best friend).

So they stopped talking for a long time and just... Thursday night or so, they started talking again. Of course, it was a shaky reltionshippy thing between them.

Friday I IMed L, since we're still aquaintances, and we had a conversation, but my boyfriend got bothered by it, and we had this whole ordeal. But now it's solved. :D

The real problem is that today, Leo IMed me. Now, I felt kind of skeptical about talking to him, what with my boyfriend being kinda bleh about it.

I told him I was installing something, which I was, and so I said I had to close MSN Messenger to prevent it from freezing.

I started playing the game I was installing, and I ended up going hours without IMing back. After those few hours this is the IM I got (His IM name is abbreviated for confidentiality):

-L- says:
still downloading?

So yeah... The conversation continued with the following:

~Loreo~ says:
Oh crud. =o I forgot about MSN. xD Sorry.

-L- says:
so u hate me?

~Loreo~ says:
No. o.0

-L- says:
i heard u hate me

~Loreo~ says:
I don't. o.0 Why would I?

-L- says:
cuz im so damn sexy =D

~Loreo~ says:
>.> Bullcrap.

-L- says:
-has man curves-

~Loreo~ says:
Eff your mancurves. ;x

-L- says:
u kno u like them

~Loreo~ says:
Hah. You may have mancuruves, but your kissing could use some work. x)
And I don't like them. >>
But I'd rather not relive that. >>

-L- says:
.__. boy that was a low fucken blow, u neva complained, if anything u made kissin more sloppy

~Loreo~ says:
Pin it on me all you want. >>
I'd prefer not to remember.

-L- says:
damn lor u made a jokin mood into a fucked up one, idk what ur problem is but i did nothin to u

~Loreo~ says:
;x I dunno. I'm kind of on edge right now.
But in all honesty, I don't want to remember.

-L- says:
in all honesty, u put me in a bad fucken mood for the first time today!

~Loreo~ says:
I'm just saying.. I don't want to bring that stuff up.

-L- says:
u couldve fucken just said!
that

~Loreo~ says:
I dunno. At first I was kidding too and then I thought about it, and was like, "You know what? I don't wanna talk about this."

-L- says:
you kno what, u fooked up, u went too far, u act like it was sumthing awful that- you kno what 4get it

~Loreo~ says:
How did I fuck up?
Tell me - what did I do?
Brb, dinner. >>
And now I'm back.
Still with no answer. =/

-L- says:
what do u want

~Loreo~ says:
I want to know why you think I fucked up.

-L- says:
why i "think"?

~Loreo~ says:
Yes. Think.

-L- says:
u did

~Loreo~ says:
How?

-L- says:
I was playing and u didnt have to go being immature and bringing up the past for a fuckin joke

~Loreo~ says:
Well, I'd really prefer it if you didn't say those kinds of things while I have a freaking boyfriend, for starters. And second, you shouldn't say that after we were at one point together.

-L- says:
who cares if u have a bf now? does he permit u to joke around? its not like im coming on to u fuck. and secondly u see us being together as sumthings so bad u want to 4get, i find that fucked up, excuse me if i dont hate my past relationship as much as u. now u know. good for u

~Loreo~ says:
I know I can joke around, but there's a limit. I can't just play around with guys like that. It's not right, and it's not fair to him.
And it's not that I want to forget it, exactly, it's that... I dunno... I don't know if I should really tell you what I think about it.

-L- says:
as i told u b4 i dont work with limits well. i kno u regret it so i dont need to kno anything else

~Loreo~ says:
I don't regret it. It's just something I'd like to keep in the past.

-L- says:
well when u grow up im sure you'll b able to deal wit it, i dont have a problem with it

~Loreo~ says:
There's a reason, and that reason will probably never leave me.

-L- says:
-sighs- wats the reason

~Loreo~ says:
I shouldn't tell you.

-L- says:
fine if its bad i dont wanna kno

Who's the one at fault in this predicament? =/ I dunno....

In the end I talked to my boyfriend about it, despite L's telling me not to tell my boyfriend the things he says, and I decided not to talk to L anymore.

L is just too flirty, and he doesn't know when to stop... The way he talks to me bothers me... =/

Keeping my boyfriend's trust is worth betraying his.

Take Your Teeth Out Of Me

I have just begun to breathe on my own

[He Who Spawned The Furies - Trivium]

So yeah, I feel weird blogging. It's like all my business - everything that I do, think, say... All of it is out there on the Internet for the world to read. It's kinda nosey, if you ask me. But at the same time it relieves pressure and anxiety and calms the nerves. I doubt that many people would really want to read the rambles of a teenage girl.

Not to say I'm any old teenage drama queen who wants to be one of the popular kids that drive in Mustangs and chew gum just to look cool. Or one of those rich kids that shops at Hollister every weekend with daddy's credit card. Just the same, I don't want to be some stereotypical goth/emo kid. You know, the kind that swear they're nonconformists but wear the same uniform of a Hawthorne Heights shirt, skinny jeans, a brightly coloured belt and torn up Vans/Converse. And let's not forget the tons of unnecessary bracelets and accessories that only seem to make the outfit look worse. Or, wait... Did I confuse emo for scene? They're all the same these days.

Anywho, I digress. I'm just a simple person simply posting my simple thoughts of a simply done, simply named blog. SImple? I guess.

But it's still a bit of a pain in the ass to come online and gush out all my thoughts and ideas to the world.

But, again, I doubt many people would want to know the thoughts of a teenage girl.

Hmm... Maybe I should begin to introduce myself? I guess I'll go ahead with that.

Hello, random Internet viewer, I'm... me. I'm nicknamed Lor, Loreo, and that kid. Pick your favourite. I like to type in older English, the way English was meant to be spelt. I like traditional valies and optinions and I'm pretty conservative, but I guess there are times where things call for a change. Yes, I was pro-McCain last election. I like reading articles written by Leonard Pitts of the Miami Herald, and my favourite movies are essentially anything with Johnny Depp, The Butterfly Effect, and The Number 23. My favourite bands are Avenged Sevenfold and Trivium - both are kickass.

I listen to just about any music if it sounds good or has good lyrics, but I hate scene kid music and rap about bangin' bitches and slappin' hoes.

I can't stand the over-dramatic emo and scene kids that just try way too hard, and I hate people that actually try to fit into a label. I also hate people who call other people posers. It's just stupid.

I'm a hateful person - I hate a lot of things. I hate Twilight. It's obnoxious, and I hate people who obsess over it and make it their Bible. I mean, if you like it, that's fine, but when you dump your boyfriend for Edward, then you need a life, and you definitely won't find one in that stupid book.

I also swear a lot, but I try to tune it down on the computer. However, that hardly works. Since I'm talking about things I hate, I probably seem like I have a stick up my ass or something, but there are things in this world that I do like.

I love to draw, and I've been doing it for about a year and a half. I can't say I'm very good, but I think I've improved a lot since when I first started.

I like to write, though I haven't done that in some time. I write a lot of prose, and I write a lot about my thoughts and ideas. However, I still manage to hold a crappy grade in English...

I actually like using chat faces a lot, but I'm not using them much now, which will make this incredibly long blog post incredibly boring, but I'm not the one sitting around reading the rantings of a teenage girl, not am I

That's right, the joke's on you. You're the one reading, and I applaud anyone who made it this far without thinking, "Wow, she's a stupid bitch" or "when does this damn post end?" And I applaud those who made it here without looking up at that little red X in the corner of their screen, slowly moving their mouse over, hesitating because they wonder if anything good might actually come out of this sentence in the end.

But no. Nothing is happening, and now you want to click the red X. But these words are tempting you. You want to keep reading, because these words tease you. They make you think that something more may be beyond them, that something... something interesting might be said.

And now I'm lacking things to write. I'll probably think more up later, but it's kinda late right now.

It is currently 10:38, and my starting time was 10:11.

This is one hell of a post.