I Wanna Meet My Maker In Peace

I wanna feel alive again;

So put that smile back on my face;

&& mix it strong my friend~

[Brompton Cocktail - Avenged Sevenfold]

It's so ridiculous...

Now, what could be ridiculous to a teenage girl?

Maybe the fact that it's been about 4 days since I've seen my boyfriend, who I'm almost obsessively clingy to.

Maybe it's the fact that I've gone days without good music...

Maybe it's the fact that I'm having a conversation I really don't want to be having...

I'm not sure. But it's either one of those three, a mix of two, or all of them.

For starters, I haven't seen my boyfriend in what feels to me like a long time. I know, I know, I'm just a silly teenager and I think I'm totally gonna be with this teenage boy forever, yadda yadda. Now, I don't think I'm in love or anything, and I don't think we'll be together and all happy forever, but that can't stop me from clinging onto him for dear life. ;A;

But here's the deal. I went out with this one guy... Let's abbreviate his name to just L, for privacy's sake. Now, this goes back to around September, 2008. So yeah. In September, I liked a guy... Let's call him R. (Deargawd it's alphabet romance- L, R, and I. ~Shotforpun~) Anyways, I liked R, who was my age almost exactly. And L is about 2.5 years older than me. Now, L has a best friend, my current boyfriend. And I met L and my boyfriend (at that time not my boyfriend, obviously) in that September.

Now, here's the kicker. I hated my now-boyfriend at that time. He has this reputation as a manwhore, and so I wasn't buying. Now, I was still hopelessly in... some emotion... for R. But L and I started talking, became friends...

And then on October 30th, L told me he was infatuated with me. It made me panic inside. I mean, I was just wondering what the hell was on his mind. About a week later, we went out. That was when my now-boyfriend stopped talking to me. And I hated him. x) And so my relationship with L lasted about 4 months.

There's your summary.

So L broke up with me this one day, whatever.

About a week later, my now-boyfriend got his hands on my number to ask my brother (who is his friend) something. After we sorted out the stuff with my brother, he and I started texting. It was casual, and I didn't feel like anything would come out of it.

Obviously it did. x)

Eventually some drama happened after me and this guy got together. Something about his best friend and L (his other best friend).

So they stopped talking for a long time and just... Thursday night or so, they started talking again. Of course, it was a shaky reltionshippy thing between them.

Friday I IMed L, since we're still aquaintances, and we had a conversation, but my boyfriend got bothered by it, and we had this whole ordeal. But now it's solved. :D

The real problem is that today, Leo IMed me. Now, I felt kind of skeptical about talking to him, what with my boyfriend being kinda bleh about it.

I told him I was installing something, which I was, and so I said I had to close MSN Messenger to prevent it from freezing.

I started playing the game I was installing, and I ended up going hours without IMing back. After those few hours this is the IM I got (His IM name is abbreviated for confidentiality):

-L- says:
still downloading?

So yeah... The conversation continued with the following:

~Loreo~ says:
Oh crud. =o I forgot about MSN. xD Sorry.

-L- says:
so u hate me?

~Loreo~ says:
No. o.0

-L- says:
i heard u hate me

~Loreo~ says:
I don't. o.0 Why would I?

-L- says:
cuz im so damn sexy =D

~Loreo~ says:
>.> Bullcrap.

-L- says:
-has man curves-

~Loreo~ says:
Eff your mancurves. ;x

-L- says:
u kno u like them

~Loreo~ says:
Hah. You may have mancuruves, but your kissing could use some work. x)
And I don't like them. >>
But I'd rather not relive that. >>

-L- says:
.__. boy that was a low fucken blow, u neva complained, if anything u made kissin more sloppy

~Loreo~ says:
Pin it on me all you want. >>
I'd prefer not to remember.

-L- says:
damn lor u made a jokin mood into a fucked up one, idk what ur problem is but i did nothin to u

~Loreo~ says:
;x I dunno. I'm kind of on edge right now.
But in all honesty, I don't want to remember.

-L- says:
in all honesty, u put me in a bad fucken mood for the first time today!

~Loreo~ says:
I'm just saying.. I don't want to bring that stuff up.

-L- says:
u couldve fucken just said!
that

~Loreo~ says:
I dunno. At first I was kidding too and then I thought about it, and was like, "You know what? I don't wanna talk about this."

-L- says:
you kno what, u fooked up, u went too far, u act like it was sumthing awful that- you kno what 4get it

~Loreo~ says:
How did I fuck up?
Tell me - what did I do?
Brb, dinner. >>
And now I'm back.
Still with no answer. =/

-L- says:
what do u want

~Loreo~ says:
I want to know why you think I fucked up.

-L- says:
why i "think"?

~Loreo~ says:
Yes. Think.

-L- says:
u did

~Loreo~ says:
How?

-L- says:
I was playing and u didnt have to go being immature and bringing up the past for a fuckin joke

~Loreo~ says:
Well, I'd really prefer it if you didn't say those kinds of things while I have a freaking boyfriend, for starters. And second, you shouldn't say that after we were at one point together.

-L- says:
who cares if u have a bf now? does he permit u to joke around? its not like im coming on to u fuck. and secondly u see us being together as sumthings so bad u want to 4get, i find that fucked up, excuse me if i dont hate my past relationship as much as u. now u know. good for u

~Loreo~ says:
I know I can joke around, but there's a limit. I can't just play around with guys like that. It's not right, and it's not fair to him.
And it's not that I want to forget it, exactly, it's that... I dunno... I don't know if I should really tell you what I think about it.

-L- says:
as i told u b4 i dont work with limits well. i kno u regret it so i dont need to kno anything else

~Loreo~ says:
I don't regret it. It's just something I'd like to keep in the past.

-L- says:
well when u grow up im sure you'll b able to deal wit it, i dont have a problem with it

~Loreo~ says:
There's a reason, and that reason will probably never leave me.

-L- says:
-sighs- wats the reason

~Loreo~ says:
I shouldn't tell you.

-L- says:
fine if its bad i dont wanna kno

Who's the one at fault in this predicament? =/ I dunno....

In the end I talked to my boyfriend about it, despite L's telling me not to tell my boyfriend the things he says, and I decided not to talk to L anymore.

L is just too flirty, and he doesn't know when to stop... The way he talks to me bothers me... =/

Keeping my boyfriend's trust is worth betraying his.

Take Your Teeth Out Of Me

I have just begun to breathe on my own

[He Who Spawned The Furies - Trivium]

So yeah, I feel weird blogging. It's like all my business - everything that I do, think, say... All of it is out there on the Internet for the world to read. It's kinda nosey, if you ask me. But at the same time it relieves pressure and anxiety and calms the nerves. I doubt that many people would really want to read the rambles of a teenage girl.

Not to say I'm any old teenage drama queen who wants to be one of the popular kids that drive in Mustangs and chew gum just to look cool. Or one of those rich kids that shops at Hollister every weekend with daddy's credit card. Just the same, I don't want to be some stereotypical goth/emo kid. You know, the kind that swear they're nonconformists but wear the same uniform of a Hawthorne Heights shirt, skinny jeans, a brightly coloured belt and torn up Vans/Converse. And let's not forget the tons of unnecessary bracelets and accessories that only seem to make the outfit look worse. Or, wait... Did I confuse emo for scene? They're all the same these days.

Anywho, I digress. I'm just a simple person simply posting my simple thoughts of a simply done, simply named blog. SImple? I guess.

But it's still a bit of a pain in the ass to come online and gush out all my thoughts and ideas to the world.

But, again, I doubt many people would want to know the thoughts of a teenage girl.

Hmm... Maybe I should begin to introduce myself? I guess I'll go ahead with that.

Hello, random Internet viewer, I'm... me. I'm nicknamed Lor, Loreo, and that kid. Pick your favourite. I like to type in older English, the way English was meant to be spelt. I like traditional valies and optinions and I'm pretty conservative, but I guess there are times where things call for a change. Yes, I was pro-McCain last election. I like reading articles written by Leonard Pitts of the Miami Herald, and my favourite movies are essentially anything with Johnny Depp, The Butterfly Effect, and The Number 23. My favourite bands are Avenged Sevenfold and Trivium - both are kickass.

I listen to just about any music if it sounds good or has good lyrics, but I hate scene kid music and rap about bangin' bitches and slappin' hoes.

I can't stand the over-dramatic emo and scene kids that just try way too hard, and I hate people that actually try to fit into a label. I also hate people who call other people posers. It's just stupid.

I'm a hateful person - I hate a lot of things. I hate Twilight. It's obnoxious, and I hate people who obsess over it and make it their Bible. I mean, if you like it, that's fine, but when you dump your boyfriend for Edward, then you need a life, and you definitely won't find one in that stupid book.

I also swear a lot, but I try to tune it down on the computer. However, that hardly works. Since I'm talking about things I hate, I probably seem like I have a stick up my ass or something, but there are things in this world that I do like.

I love to draw, and I've been doing it for about a year and a half. I can't say I'm very good, but I think I've improved a lot since when I first started.

I like to write, though I haven't done that in some time. I write a lot of prose, and I write a lot about my thoughts and ideas. However, I still manage to hold a crappy grade in English...

I actually like using chat faces a lot, but I'm not using them much now, which will make this incredibly long blog post incredibly boring, but I'm not the one sitting around reading the rantings of a teenage girl, not am I

That's right, the joke's on you. You're the one reading, and I applaud anyone who made it this far without thinking, "Wow, she's a stupid bitch" or "when does this damn post end?" And I applaud those who made it here without looking up at that little red X in the corner of their screen, slowly moving their mouse over, hesitating because they wonder if anything good might actually come out of this sentence in the end.

But no. Nothing is happening, and now you want to click the red X. But these words are tempting you. You want to keep reading, because these words tease you. They make you think that something more may be beyond them, that something... something interesting might be said.

And now I'm lacking things to write. I'll probably think more up later, but it's kinda late right now.

It is currently 10:38, and my starting time was 10:11.

This is one hell of a post.