Through Senses, What Can We Explain?

Not joy, not fear, not pain
Is love the same?
This senseless argument in vain
Erodes my sense of shame
Who's to blame?
Thank you, Pain!

[Thank You Pain - The Agonist]

It's been so long since I've been like this. There are just times where I feel hopeless and miserable and I don't know why. And stress from things that happen just catch up to me and... I just break down. I don't mean to. It's not like I want to, but there are just days where I feel like I'm doing nothing, that I really shouldn't be where I am, or where I feel like I can't handle what's going on.

I don't mean to sound depressed or anything, but yeah, there are times that I feel that way. As much as I don't want to, I do. And it really does suck.

I feel like I'm really sucking with words right now. Tavo says I have a way with words, but... they're just words. They only have the meaning we give them. What value do they have? What will they solve? Even the most beautiful poem won't stop war, and the most amazingly well-wrotten song won't stop pollution.

Sure they help people see the same way, but in the end nobody does anything about it anyways.

But I digress.

I'm just really bummed with what's been going on. I want people gone, I want to hit people, I want to scream at them, I want to cry. It's all just so damn stressing!

And being left alone, being the only one there to pick up the pieces and hold things together... I'm really not that strong. I can't take care of the feelings of someone else on my own. I just... can't. I'm not the right person for that. I'm just not strong enough to help people when something's wrong.

I've tried helping, but it just seems that things have just gotten progressively worse.

This Might Only Make Sense To Me…

It's fine if I'm the only one who understands the words I write. I do not write for an audience. I write for the sake of putting my thoughts down, letting them out in a tangible form, so that I may one day look back on them and think things through again. It does, in fact, pain one to put hurtful thoughts into words. And it does hurt to think about it, to be reminded of the pain one is being, or has been put through.

No, I have not undergone hurt, nor has anyone betrayed me or my trust.

But it does still hurt when someone close, someone who matters, is hurt. It's almost the same.

To sit on the other line of the phone and hear the sound of agony lacing the voice of someone close to you is the worst feeling one can get. To be unable to get up, go to such a person and simply hold them, help them… It's a painful feeling. It hurts to know that someone important is hurting, and it hurts to know that there's nothing you can do about it.

You can yell at the source, kick and scream and hurt the source all you would like, but that won't go very far. Once can sit down and talk to whomever may be the source or cause, but at the same time, it is unnecessary to butt into other peoples' problems.

Of course, I am just a biased opinion. My opinions can be marked as biased three different ways, so they hold no validity. This is someone close to me. Another is someone that used to be. And the third is someone I would rather have gone forever.

Yes, my opinion can be marked as biased by those who don't agree, no matter how logical my argument. But I would still like to throw in my two cents, and try to shed some light on what is occurring. I would like to understand both points of view on this issue.

I do have the intention of discussing things further, and as much as it may pain someone, it is the best course of action.

The choices being made at this moment are not necessarily the best, nor are they necessary. There are, in fact, other options.

However, it would have been best if none of this started again anyways.